havent been writing for the past few days
these few days has been really rewarding
had a team from the doulos with us for the weekends.
was really encouraged by them
headed for the doulos some 4 hours journey from here
i've been refreshed seeing the work that God is doing
hearing the testimonies of how great God is, and what He is doing here in this country.

im getting use to this place.. and i realise the amount i am praying for the people is decreasing.. at least i realise that.. this is not good...
Thank God for opening my eyes to show me that He is good and He cares..
just the amount of children just now showed me that God is the one in control of the children here.. imagine.. 185 children.. we didnt have enough bread that we had to even break it into half.. i felt rather bad... the children were looking disappointed that they got half of what they usually had..

different needs of different people
but God sees them all
some need spiritual need
some have emotional needs
some have physical needs
but his grace is sufficient for all
praise the Lord

i am going to teach the children carols..
was asked to do so
haha.. its khmer songs.. with a very strong khmer tune to it.. dont know how am i going to learn it in time
today is friday.. and im suppose to teach on sunday
haha
a different language some more
interesting huh

i think i killed some thousands or millions of brain cells last night...
fever again.. freaky la..
temperature went up to 38.3c
had thoughts of whether will i survive the night
haha
thank god the fever is gone now
still feeling weak though..
floating around when i walk

the village is so rural...haha
its some 1 hour ride from the office. on a tuk tuk... i saw water everywhere... its the rainny season...
what i saw is what you will see from the plane.. one orange road with water, plantations everywhere. not that much of padi around because it is flooding.. i saw more of sugarcane and some vege... kailan, choisam.. beans...
the first 40 minutes was ok.. because i was travelling on the roads.. the roads is like the normal orange muddy road with a thin layer of tar on top of it. so the road is still bumpy.. but not that bad.. uneven land.. slight big bumps at the bridges... i think the road level sank.. so its lower than the bridge.. and when the tuk tuk passes the bridge.. we will jump..serious.. if we didnt hold on to the railling.. i think i will have flown out...
then..... we made this turn into this orange muddy road without tar... haha.. and it just rainned really heavily this morning.. didnt help the road condition... it had huge portholes with water in it.. that 20 minutes of ride was bad..serious.. the road was next to flooded land.. and the driver was about half a feet from the side of the road. and at the side of the road.. its water... road is one feet higher than water... the driver had to turn left and right to find the least bumpy path.. and even that was bad enough.
and then.... we turned into this even smaller road.. where we could see cow foot prints...with all the muddy holes and muddy road all around.. that road was enough for the tuk tuk to pass by,,even then the tuk tuk was hitting into branches along the road.... wow.. imagine the kids of that village walks to school in that mud.. and they dont have shoes...
when we reached this junction, there were about 15 children waiting there.. they were so excited to see us.. i can always remember the smile they had.. it was another 5minutes ride on that small road to our destination... and the children were running behind the tuk tuk... i can imagine the same thing happening with Jesus and the children...
we put out mats on the floor in front of this house.. cut their nails, sang sunday school songs, told bible stories. one of the team members were cleaning and putting medication on the wounds of the children and the adult in the village.
somehow, i didnt feel well.. at first it was because of the sun and the smell of burning rubbish.. as well as the smell of the children.. the street kids and village kids here have a kind of smell.. smells slighty salty... and plus in other indescribable smells..haha... i felt dizzy and uneasy... and then when we were in the middle of the thing, one local worker told me that she is not feeling well as well. and its not physical not feeling well.. but more of i can sense there is something wrong. i have been praying for that village since i left it... its a spiritual warfare... really have to pray a lot...
the journey back was the same.. bumps and swaying left and right...
im back in the office now..
its a great experience.. will never be able to see this kind of thing in KL.. imagine.. the mat where the children sat... there were pigs, chickens and chicks, dogs roaming around.. haha...

lightning was terrible last night..
bright lights in the sky.. and its a few lightnings per second.. non stop..
flickering bright lights
or rather bright white disco lights shining? haha
couldnt look directly in the sky
too blinding
the locals said that when it rains in the morning, its a sign that the rainny season is coming to an end..
it starts off with raining in the afternoon, evening, night and then morning
i was frightened..
first thought was
ah... what about the street kids that stay on the street or on the trees?
what if the lightning strikes the trees that they are under or on?
will they die?
second thought was
is the the end of the world? with all the blinding lights.. and the thunder.. electricity went off... and i was just thinking through, what have i read in revelation.. is this really it? haha
but... i survived... haha.. thank God.. dad said to enjoy that moment.. something different that God had made.. that can be experienced only in Cambodia...

creepy crawlies all around... eee.....
had thousands of them in my room last night..
thank God they dont bite.. but still its freaky.. they slept with me..
in my room, so many of them on my bed... ee...e.e....
and this morning.. when i went out from my room... oh dear.. there were millions of them in my house..
its the size of those flying ants in malaysia... and they die after one night..
apparently its a normal phenomena during the rainny season here...
ee....eee.....

back to nature here.. haha.. imagine kids coming to school carrying plastic bags with many huge grasshoppers in them...haha... one grasshopper is 3 inches long.. so big... and what the kids do, they put them on their shirt and the grasshopper will stay there or crawl around on their shirts...hhaha... interesting sight..
i love the kids... i hug them a lot... am changing the method of teaching from the traditional way of teacher-says-student-repeats.... trying to make my lessons personal... do pray.. because i am trying to include bible stories in them.. im not sure how because of the low command of english the children have... still in the midst of preparing what i am going to do..
thank god the children at day care that i am teaching really do have a strong memory... they can remember everything i teach within one lesson.. and its a whole new foreign language.. praise god for that.. next aim is to teach them some simple english songs.. like God is so good..=)

heart breaking
to see the HIV kids
am learning to tell and distinguish which kids have AIDS
the nurse warns me to be careful when im near them, just in case they cough... monday's bus ride both the morning and evening ones has a lot of HIV infected kids.. its sad to see... they have slightly swollen faces, stares into blank space a lot... and they are not as active as the other children...do pray for them

what effect will it bring to me?
am i just being too naive?
am i the one to comfort and give strength?
is this what i am going to choose?

been out on the bus this morning..
had a great devotion time last night with may, kyong sun, yang hee, and debra....
interesting how devotions can be done in korean and english at the same time...=)
thank god for all the time that i have spent so far here...
am loving every minute of it

God has been speaking to me really closely..
i thank God for this relationship that i have with Him
ups and downs
true that sometimes it requires willingness to surrender many things
but in the end its all worth it
because our minds should be set on God's kingdom, not on earthly things
thats for that reminder
im at a stage where i know God is taking me one step higher
but going one step higher requires so much more of me than the step that i used to be
so many things that i dont want to let go in life
so many things that i want to hold on in life
but i know that if i do hold on to earthly things
i will lose out on what God has for me
the best among the best

surrendering and sacrificing comes together huh?
to sacrifice something important is never easy
like how abraham was asked to sacrifice isaac?
i might not fully comprehend that feeling but at least i experienced a fraction of it?
ouch...haha
but then again.. if God says so
who am i to be selfish to say i dont want to?
Jesus was willing to sacrifice Himself on the cross for all of us..
i can imagine the love He had for all of us to allow Himself to be humiliated by those He created
i believe God has a plan
a plan more beautiful than i can ever imagine
a plan for me, for my life
but for Him to put His plan into action
i will first have to die to myself
and let Him take control
its hard.. but im willing to...
use me o lord

today is a slow day..
feeling lost, lazy, blur.. all combined into one...
yesterday was a emotional day
but im determined to pick myself up today
will be smiling again at the end of the day
like how i always do smile

i was feeling feverish last sat... temperature went up to 37.9c in the night... quite high..

really thank God for lucille who spent time cooking porridge for me.. and made sure that i was alright. with all her calls... she is such an angel to me

went to the local children church... really was touched at how the children sang songs to God.. with all the actions.. it was full of live.. and when they sing and pray, they really sing and pray... =) i felt my tears flow.. couldnt explain why until now

john 17 appeared to me 3 times in2 weeks.. still cant grasp what God is trying to tell me... still praying...

things here has been good so far.. went on the bus at 530am today... had about 18 children.. but i thank god for that time where i had time to write up so much

one week since i've been here
thank god for all the protection since i do walk alone sometimes during the day
thank god for all the blessings he has given
thank god for providing the finances
thank god for people who blessed me with great meals when i least expected them
thank god for great people on the team that i am working with
thank god for all the street kids that are always smiling when we drop by to see them
thank god for speaking to me everyday of my life
thank god for his word that encourages me so much
thank god for local workers who are able to translate from english to khmer
thank god for the spirit of unity in the whole team
thank god for unity where we pray in 3 different languages, english, khmer and korean and god still works
thank god for taking away the communication barrier among all working here although we are all from different countries, cambodia, malaysia, korea
thank god for never failing to provide for the center
thank god for bringing the children to come to Him
thank god for all the medical supplies that we have here
thank god for patience and love and joy to serve the children
thank god for resources and materials provided
thank god for creativity to create new materials to teach the children
thank god for language classes
thank god for safety where i am staying
thank god for everything
amen

today's morning bus has the cutest kids ever..haha.. so young.. seriously
one boy wasnt even old enough to stand properly.. so cute la
we went to the riverside, that is the most western part of the city, with all the nice hotels and the western restaurants.
but sad to say that is also where the condition of the street kids are the worst..
young kids are already begging on the road...

the street kids are so cute.. and so adorable..
like yesterday..
there was this small boy on the bus that didnt have clothes on.. and he wasnt even old enough to talk.. probably around 2 years old..
i really felt for him.. can i adopt him?
had my first go in bathing the children on the bus... =) they seem to know what to do, get in the bathroom and they will take off their clothes automatically..haha.. talk about smart
many of them are smart, im sure, they have the intelligent look and they are so willing to learn.. they can pick up what is taught just like that... its really a pity that they dont have the chance to learn and their are just being exploited by the adults.. we need a children right activist here..
will be starting with teaching kindergarten here for day care.. trying to plan out a teaching plan for 2 months to see how it works.. it would help a lot of i can leave that concept of having to plan ahead with the teachers here.. then at least they will know what to do next time, what should be taught and by when.
am going out to the bus again later at 12 noon.. today's load is a big one.. expecting some 200 kids.. thats a lot.. will have a lot to see..
i miss everyone back home... haha
and its only the 5th day..
been thinking alot and writing a lot
here on my blog and in my diary as well..
been learning to pray alot too..
i realised that there is so much to be done in this country and so many things tobe changed.. with all the politic issues,bribery, child abuse going on.. but there is nothing i can do except to pray for that God to have His divine intervention in this country. my heart goes out to all the children out there..
so if you are planning to come, its good.. a lot to see.. a lot to experience... =)

god is good after all.. i was really surprised.. he knows when we need a break the most..
i was feeling tired and restless and wanting so much to run away this morning
and when i came to the office, lucille told me that i will be going out to the city with her and we will be joining the others for lunch. someone is giving a treat because today is the autumn festival (moon cake festival)
so we went to the city, and did a bit of shopping, i bought some beans to cook for either lunch or dinner.. and also cereal.
had lunch in a beautiful korean restaurant.. the food was just delicious.. awesome.. so many dishes and the roasted pork just came and came
really thank god for that short break.. was really refreshing. making me want to go ahead and do more for God.. so much more..

i think the keys here dont like me.. hehe
couldnt open my wardrobe and the maindoor yesterday.. so its like i
locked myself in the house and also i locked all my things in the
wardrobe..haha
prayer does work you know.. in the end, the cleaner came and she
managed to open the maindoor from the outside.. and my wardrobe? i
manage to force it open. but i think there is something wrong with the
lock. so im not going to lock it again. just in case. anyway,. the
cleaner doesnt enter my room., and i sweep and mop my own room.

cant really recycle my clothes here... maybe coz im mixing a lot with
street kids and everytime after i go home, im suppose to wash
everything because of the germs.. like on friday, i go out at 530am to
the streets and go out again at 5pm to the streets. so that is 2 set
of clothes already.

the orphanage (kingdom kids home) looks like a hostel with the bunker beds.. they dont sleep on mattresses, i guess that is too expensive. a common kitchen
like a hostel as well. there are tuition classes offered for those
kids that needs tutoring in their school work.

do pray that God will give me ideas to know what to do. am in a state
of lost now. dont know what to do, how to do it.

going out to the city today for lunch. the director's sis is giving a
treat. because today is moon cake festival. will be doing some
shopping as well.

dinner yesterday was awesome. may had some pork chops and i cooked tom
yam soup with onions., tomatoes and tou foo.. delicious.. hopefully after i go back, i will know how to cook.. then i can be independent.. and dont need someone to cook for me.. although it will be nice once in a while having someone to cook for me.. hehe

have decided to not take matters into my own hands.. with all the issues that i am suppose to think about.. i will leave it aside and let God make the decision for me.. He knows whats best and i will choose to believe that..

im learning a lot to pray for people here.. one of the advantages of having street children this close is that we get to lay hands on them and pray for them. its different praying from what you heard from others and praying up front

today has been a not so good day.took so long to get out from my bed
had thoughts of going home
i would have to admit i do feel inedequate with the lack of ability to communicate with the children that i have contact with, i have so many things to say and to tell them, but i cant. and that is the saddest part. communication is stuck to "what is your name?", "how old are you?" and then after that there is total silence. and that is only for those that understands what i say.. erm.. the older kids only.
this morning i dreaded waking up.. didnt feel like i wanted to face the children today.. and my schedule.. i am suppose to plan myself which area i want tobe in. so many uncertainties that i face... dont know where would be the best place that i can serve... dont know what i will be doing. how am i ever going to make the children understand what i have to say and teach?
been praying really hard.. for God to take away the spirit of reluctance.. im here for a purpose, its like a dream come true thing in my spiritual life. cant afford to let the devil take away the joy and love that God has placed in me

i am here in cambodia. internet facilities are available from the office. thank god, at least i get to still keep in touch with everyone back home
dont worry ya. i am in good hands.
the lord has been good.
so far people that i have been in contact with are the ministry workers that consist of malaysians, koreans and local cambodians.
i've also been to the streets on the bus to serve the street kids.
its heartbreaking to see the kids infected by AIDS. they have beautiful eyes and nice features but the wounds and scars on their body, with the defects because of AIDS is just saddening to see.
i couldnt help my tears from falling as i washed their hands, cut their nails.. these kids have so much more to live for.. there are so many more things in this world that they deserve to see.. but because of their background, they are stranded to picking rubbish, being controlled by the syndicates on the streets, and when the syndicates cannot control them , the children are given glu to sniff.. and some of them are as young as 5 years old. they cant even read or write.. not because they are stupid.. but just because they havent been given the opportunity to do so..

my schedule when im here will be rather packed.. its interesting. because i get to fully serve without having to bother about what time is class later, dont have to bother about assignments..

i will be mostly with the orphanage called kingdom kids home as well as the bus ministry that goes out to the city about 5 times a week.

weekends will be when we chill as a team.. with the bus bringing us to the city for sightseeing as well as shopping for our grocery need for the week/.

sundays, morning i will be going to a local church that is conducted in khmer, and in the afternoon at 3, i will be going to a church called INternational Christian Fellowship where most of the missionaries in Phnom Penh attends.

so far so good. i have been writing a lot aswell. plan to write down every thought i have when im here. whether it is about what i am facing here with everything new that i see, or even thoughts about the future and where i am heading...