many things are in my mind
a few prominent pictures
a few thoughts
a few different kinds of emotions
a few memories

what.eva.

i look at them laughing giggling talking smiling joking
i turn back and i see happiness
i think about of myself
how i used to laugh giggle talk smile and joke
it was all fine
until one sudden day when it all fell apart
reason till today i still cant find
only consolation i give is if its not meant to be its not meant to be dont force
relationship falls apart sometimes because it just doesnt work out
i wish i can open my mouth and say that its all short termed
it wont last because its not destined to last
ive gone through it i've seen others go through it
even the strongest ones dont last
probably its just a fake a silhouette of pretends
used to cover a anti - social image or friendless image
its natural
so dont hang in there and believe with your whole entire heart that it will last
because it wont

i dont mix
because
i dont fit

i dont fit
because
i dont understand

i dont understand
because
i dont find it funny

i dont find it funny
because
i find it childish

growling sound of thunder
arising of flood
clouds darkening
lightning flashing

here i am
in the middle of it all
placed in a small shaky wooden sampan
being tossed in the waves
shaking and shivering from the cold
starvation starts

taking up the given responsibility
no emotions attached
its merely actions
done because its assigned

dreaming and thinking
admiring and envying

hard as stone
unbreakable

fear that comes with it
is becoming unbearable

running away from somewhere that i belong
running away from where i grew up in

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

-SWITCHING BACK TO A MORE VEGE DIET-

2 hearts
showing how its linked together
i used to have this idea that
2 hearts will join into one
but after looking at the pendant for a really long time
i realise that it will never become one
because it was never meant to be one
instead
it stays as 2 individual hearts
beautiful in its own way
but the additional thing added is
it is now linked together
2 of it chained together
not able to take it out
2 individual hearts becoming joined
not as 1 where one heart dominates
but joined in as sense where
each separate heart is able to show its best side
when its linked together

blue-ish black coloured
long big curls
on hair till waist

thought of the day...

for something new to take place in this life
requires change
at the beginning
change happens in the mind
then the body will follow the mind
if the body decides to
but sometimes
the body chooses to ignore after the 1st time
even though that change is registered in the mind
what to do then?

How does it feel like
to experience
death in the family?
to know someone might be leaving
and to know that
there is no more chance to meet that person anymore
because
that person is not going to heaven
but that person
doesnt have the ability to go to heaven
even pastors say that its impossible
prayers for years
doesnt seem to be coming close to true
because
that person
can be considered no longer
to be in the right mind
therefore
doesnt equal to have a chance
to come to know jesus anymore

call me stupid
call me dumb
but you cant call me irresponsible
or even ignorant
i tried
i looked
i spend time
and still
do not understand
nothing else
can i say
or do
to improve