The small little joys of life sustains the whole essence of routine and monotonous days. 

Just like how im reminded to count the milestones of each year and reflect on god's goodness. I shouldnt let the routine daily work. or the magnet pulling down factor affect how and what i think about life. 

Work is work. and it should be separated from what life is. =) trying hard to do so. The sense of responsibility that it instills doesnt justify the amount of life that i should be having. But im learning to work around it. And hopefully step out victoriously. 

The past 6 months has been the fastest time of my life. Its zooped past even faster than studying. The job itself drains out time, but i guess it also could be the constant wait till each monthly meet up. Sometimes i forget that just before the past 6 months, i was still there in sg long, attending kajang church, cooking pasta to sell, pillow talking with housemates as often as we could. out for shopping and food. It was fun. busy but yet fulfilling. That's my goal for now perhaps? Search for fulfillment. 

Next up, AV for watch night service. =) Look forward a lot more to going out to church at nights. 

And. I spoke to him after a long time. On the surface, nothing much has changed. The first Sunday i saw him, i saw his back from 5 cars away. and i knew it was him. Cant quite describe the feeling. But yet at the same time, his words kept stinging in my mind. I thought he was gone, for good out of my life. The reoccurance, is bittersweet. 

Merry christmas. I feel like i've grown out of Christmas. and im only 21. 

Im proud of myself for, stepping out and asking if i could help out with the AV crew. =) and now im in. Yay! 

Everyone else at home is down with the flu now. Missed dance prac today because i accompanied all 3 of them to the hospital. Dad and kern is more to throat infection. Mom's is more serious, viral infection = more med to take. ( I had 2 doses of antibiotics to get well, over a time span of 4 weeks)

Went back to Raub for cousin aunt's wedding dinner. Good food. Poor parents couldnt really enjoy it. 

New year is up next and i get to spend it with him :) Looking forward to celebrating 35 months together. 

And i wont be defeated by what the circumstances puts me in. Going through the same questions every time does not help. Putting them aside, its not what i can control. let's just leave it as just a dream full stop. 

i need FOOD!!! sick for the past 3 weeks with flu and more flu and more flu. By last week, everything cleared up, i was jubilant! until i went for 2 wedding dinners in a row, and it all came back again. even stronger and more painful. boo.

Its day number 3 of flu round 3. and somehow the whole trachea shows no signs of clearing up. non stop coughs and reoccurring sore throat. and worst of all, no proper food intake for 4 days in a row! Ah, shoot me. i need food!!! how am i suppose to recover eating just bread and more bread, that's if i buy them. if i dont, dont want to imagine.

This cannot be linked to a chance to lose weight!!! weight management issues has nothing to do with needing food.

Somebody feed me!

Lost dreams

I miss having a diary, writing down the most intimate feelings I have in it. As time went pass, the source of recording changed from a pen and a book to him. The dependency shifted from me to him. Contrary to many beliefs, feelings were shared and discussed. I liked it the way it was. But to have feelings shared, with limitations to actions to be taken due to the distance, it defeats the purpose of sharing feelings, or circumstances, or needs.

I do believe in a time for everything. Just like how a professional photographer is paid to capture the moment. There are moments in life that needs to go through a fast capture lens. Click click click. And it ends there. Any second later would have missed the action at that time.

Being this sick for this long, it’s not fun. 3 mc’s in 3 weeks. I feel like I’ve neglected work. That’s another area to be shared at another point. Coughing with serious flu and sore throat, gives me time to think and to do things for myself. It’s good to take a break, never really did since 6 months back when work started. Im 21. It suppose to be the peak of a person’s life, achieving dreams. How can it be or since when my dreams are linked to him? And its not achievable at this point of time. I need to find my own dream, I need to recollect what I wanted. When did I lose it?

i've just got to face the fact that it is not going to be like what i hoped it will be.

not for now at least.

its already. i dont care. i cant do anything. so why bother. why push.

i need to also face the fact that its out of my control.

recap

Internet's back! Hurray to having P1 and also a monthly income to support. =) I must say, these 5 months passed real quick, surviving on hour to hour deadlines, having to speak out my mind when situation gets out of hand. Putting time management into real practice. and also a few late nights in office. Work like sitting in a roller coaster has no end to it but the trills are enough to keep the energy pumping. Im glad im still saying this after 5 months.

Learnt that maturity is a gift that comes with experience and perhaps exposure. Eyes that see, and mind that digest.

I miss hanging out with people. Learnt that, it takes my own initiative to hang on and not wait till someone offers and only i decide whether to hop on or to wait for the next ride.

Long distance is still long distance, once or twice a month meet ups. Liking it a lot that family is accepting him much more than before. That's a good sign. Plans are in place, i hope.

Come a time. Anticipations grows cold.

Come a time. Excitement dies down.

Come a time. Tears run dry.

Come a time. The whole process repeats itself.

 

 

Life is but a fairy tales of unrealistic dreams. sadly enough, most of the time it leans towards being unrealistic.

life is short. i want to hear your voice as much as possible when i still can.

 

having this blocked ear. gave a feel like what being deaf feels like. its started with a buzzing sound, went to doctors. they said that it was a mild infection, pulse and wax solidified. the doctor took out what he can. and gave me ear drops.

 

but on my side. it still feels as block as ever. last night after seeing the doctor, the block got worst. however, after first round of drops. today is slightly better than yesterday.

 

but it still doesnt take away the temporary hearing impairment feel.

Having good lunchmates is a blessing.

Distance

The boy is away in tokyo. No communication for a week. N i miss him.

Choices, freewill and self actualization.

 

Thoughts that once were dreams, childhood dreams. The underlying motivation to reaching adulthood was the big idealism of what life could be, or what it was meant to be. Climbing the path leading to it, or at least we think that the path leads to those dreams. somehow, will it be achieved?

 

Shallowness of a deep thought gives the mellowing impact.

Sending off

Its never easy to send a love one off. Especially not when he's flying back.

I must have looked pretty teary despite the strong attempt to hold them back.

Until my youngest bro had to tell me. He's flying away only. Dont cry.
Can fly back ma.

Its only been minutes ago. But i miss his presence already.

Birthday

21st coming up soon! tentatively, my colleagues are bringing me out
clubbing. the conversation way beyond what i expected. to have my
direct superior and his superior to get all excited planning a 21
years old birthday bash was just. so cute

i'll get to see dihhaw. =) im excited. the whole month of august was a
real blessing to be able to see him every weekend. has been a long
time since i last met him so frequently. =) its been 31 months. we've
come a long way.

How do u know?

If. Work is in a hurry?

When. The car needs to be fed, there is a jam the whole way n the eyes
is set on every ticking second counting till the clock in time.

Growing

Love is meant to be simple. How i wish i could remind myself of that
all the time. The luxuries of life, are called luxury for a reason.
The path chosen, will dictate the future. True. But is having money
all to life? At this point, i still hold on to the power of love. The
experience has prove it right time n time again. Adaptations n
sacrifices for love, is worth every effort. For true love recognizes
it.

Growing

Learning when to initiate, when to step back. When to comply, when to
know its a joke. When to push extra, when to work within time frame
comfortably.

Afterall, its only work.

This month has been a bonus. Been meeting dar dar every weekend since
convo. Smiles.

Look to god, n our perspective of things will change. Have faith, and
hope comes along. Pray, n joy comes with it.

Attention. Privacy

There's a reason why the ladies n gents are placed not within the
office. Perhaps its the smell, or to avoid people spending extra time
gossiping or just killing time in there. But. When the floor reflects
all movements n actions. All the privacy is gone. No more times when
the highlight of getting out from the ladies is to. Not bump into
anyone, preferably. So that whatever done inside is left inside.

1.2.3.

maiden post from my mailbox =) will be back with more. definitely

Asian vs Western

There is a vast difference in terms of upbringing and the result between the west and the east. In cases where language tends too be perceived as a major seperation factor, my observations differ.

case study 1 : child sleeps in on a saturday morning

Asian : (knocks door loudly based on instinct) Oi, wake up already la. wanted to bring you out to do this and that, SEE NOW. half day gone still sleeping! bought food for you also the food smells already la. dont need to eat. sleep la. (pounds on door loudly again)

western : Is everything alright? are you sick? its time to wake up. Come on, head to thetoilet, wash up. tThere's food waiting for you. dont take too long ya =) (ends with a gentle tone, nice and sweet)

Rat Racing

So im in. Finally. Catching my breath. But its all fun. Working in a Scandinavian company is different. the culture, the company layout, the sense of belonging given. Its a steep learning curve. However, the jokes, the laughter, and the comfort of the huge mounted glass top table that can be level up and down to sitting or standing position covers the never ending learning. =)

Dad

As a person who always exchanges our hard saved coins with notes that seems so big and huge to us when we were physically smaller

As a person who somehow does the half crooked, half normal cheeky smile when we crack a joke or pull his leg

As a person who never fails to provide for the family

As a person who spoils us, like how my attempt to help in gardening was put to a halt merely half an hour after i started just because : meen, the sun is getting too hot for you. but he stayed on and went on with gardening

As a person whom every little girl looks up to as her hero.

Happy father’s day

Work

So, I’ve gotten a job offer which i gladly took up. Work starts on the 1st of July, mondays to fridays from 830 till 530. pay is ok. perks are awesome. international firm. and. great benefits given. with 16 days of annual leave. and many more. =P

Next up, Friday in kindergarten. =) I am going to miss those kids when i start work.

And also. Shopping for work attire. A lot to buy. Daddy told me again and again. just buy. dont bother about the price. reasonable will do. haha. he knows me so well. i tend to pick and pick and choose and choose. and also walk in every single shop in the shopping mall. but sometimes, end up with no purchase. haha.

And. also. looking forward to collect the job offer letter.

Saturday morning. Sitting in for Creative Arts Ministry in church. Its’ been a long time since i left that ministry for studies. It will surely bring back memories. But im looking forward to it too =)

Had a long talk with chai hong. =)

pretty much it. loving my life.

Unemployed and Money

Taking a break as the transition between studying and working. Going for interviews as and when companies do call me up. The highlight of  these days are when i get to help out with preparation of teaching materials in the kindergarten in church. =) Its fun, not to mention the materials and toys are just so cute!

On a not so pleasant side, I’ve learnt that the society has majority of its shareholders, which includes the working world and all involved, is not a naive place to live in. No more behaving like things will be alright as long as i do my part. it takes more than that to be able to stay above the pack. Characters and words, can be painted in an extremely nice manner till it takes utmost discernment to filter what should be taken in and what to leave behind to be chuckled about.

As life leads to a different path, there are a lot more to learn. Incidents heard as stories or warnings are stuff that i get to see in real life in the working world.

But i thank god, for the moment, i take refuge in helping out in the kindergarten, to ease the transition period, and also to help me adapt from studying to working a 9 to 5 job in future.

Still am writing in to companies that i take interest in, and also, looking out for part time jobs of interest =) besides that, all is well.

chill out.

Hiatus

Away for times. but not without new photos and updates =)

Job fair organized by MOHE in PWTC was good. Added the company of friends. We girls, me, janice, sherine and sheena tried out henna. the indian hand accessory drawn for the bride on weddings. there was an entrepreneurial fair going on concurrently on first floor right above the job fair.

With wet henna. The creative part of the deal is the smart innovation of ready cut pattern on a piece of plastic. All the stall vendor had to do was to rub a layer of wet henna on our palms, make sure its even spread out, and pull away the piece of pattern plastic. The pattern forms immediately.

Leave it on for 20 minutes, it hardens by itself. After that, there is the option of washing it off with water or, peel it off with itchy fingers, which most of us chose to do so. =)

Job fair outing turned friends fun outing. =) Applied into a few companies. Still am waiting for replies. hopefully they will be positive.

so i have been away for sometime.

life has been good after shifting back. =)

attempting to rearrange my room, unpack what i brought back. but procrastination is taking its toll.

been sick. viral spreading in the house. started with mommy, to kern, and now to me.

interviews has been good. =) still am waiting for good news.

had 2 buffet lunches with 6 good tea breaks in between all within the span of 3 days. piling up on the extra fats that i have been trying so hard to lose. but then again, life is short, just eat la. =P

suppose to be in church helping out with the kindergarten today but due to the flu, im at home, resting supposing-ly.

was diagnose with lumbar scoliosis. first opinion says that its not serious enough to entail a corrective surgery. but am seeking second opinion. all is well. dont worry =) i can still walk and dance and swim.

Pack pack pack

Im packing up what else is left to head home back to shah alam. its been a great 4 years staying out but its time to head home.

Sherine, dont cry ya =) im going to miss you tons! We’ve grown from small girls with braces till pretty swans today.

 

funny girl. free stuff or discounts gets you super excited. just like this free quaker oats advertisement, saw it then you say. ok. i will order what comes along with this free gift. mana tau, flip it over and  you see this

haha. how to finish the whole bucket of chicken all by yourself?

i’ll miss those girly days we had. the drawing faces. taking photos. going through clothes, looking pretty. =)

Take good good care of yourself ya. i’ll miss cleaning the house, boiling water and laughing and talking about all random things that happened.

Dont' cry when i leave later ya. ok? we’ll meet again somehow.

28 months

How much sweeter can i ask for him to be? I have a soft spot for gentleman. Not those who put on a mask just to pretend to be a gentleman to get a girl’s attention. but those who are true gentleman, who remains a gentleman throughout even when things may not be all high flying.

Thank you chocobee! =)

 

Life

I am reminded once again that life is short. Life is not merely a wake up, sleep, wake up and sleep and that’s it type of vicious cycle. Its contains affections, emotions, memories, impact and love. Learning to let go of a life, and surrendering it to God’s hands is not easy. I wish i could, say, nothing is going to happen. But as a ordinary human being, i do not have such powers, let alone, be assured that things are going to be fine.

Living a life with no regrets is the best we can do. But there always is the reluctance of letting go. If life was worth each penny and cent, spending them on some eternal value good would probably be the best idea. Even so, there will be opportunity cost incurred by letting go of what others that could be bought with that equivalent value of money.

I wish nothing will happen. I pray that nothing will happen. I keep my fingers crossed hoping that nothing will happen. I dread the phone call coming in anytime now.

Color palette

There are days when it just feels so oh-today-is-a-girly-i-want-to-dress-up day.

I am loving my new earrings. Its rectangulish with 2 pieces of mirror across, leaving it to reflect whatever light it comes across. =)

Or there are days when i-just-want-to-try-out-every-single-color-of-every-makeup-brand-in-watsons. which usually ends up with a colorful back of my hand

oh well. Im a girl after all. =)

Nando’s

Somehow, I have never been to nandos before. There was one in atria near my secondary school but it just didnt appeal to me. haha. weird. kenny roasters was a more favored choice.

Until. one day anna asked “HOW CAN YOU NOT TRIED NANDO’S BEFORE? AIYA. I BRING YOU THERE LA OK?” haha. her tone was so funny on the phone la.

and so. we went. =) on a girl’s night out. talking and laughing and manja-ing. awh. i miss anna already.

i didnt know nando’s was this good. seriously. the chicken was tender and juicy. way better than kenny roasters. the fries was solid. good stuff.

haha. i took and the honey flavoured chicken and this sign was stuck on the piece of chicken. boo. but it was good.

See the not so brave sign? boo.

  Anna’s handwriting. we were in Arab’s one day for dinner. i think loren, rowen and dihhaw was there too. To order food there, we were given a menu, a stack of papers and a pencil to write down our orders. So anna started doodling everyone’s name on each piece of paper. see. i still keep a photo of it =) you must love me to bits la =P

verbal confrontations

when responsibilities are not done

when blame is pushed around

when fault is pushed back and forth

when words are of empty content

when actions not taken

i prefer a verbal confrontation.

who cares.

back off

being nice just to be cheesed off back in the face

its time to put a stop to the nonsensical happenings

taking things back into my own control

reluctance in protecting knowing that protection leads to empty promises

let it be come what may

desolation or isolation i take it willingly

A full circle

Left home quiet, return back home quiet.

University life had taken its full circle. From the very beginning where words were few to the exposure and opportunities leading to a more outspoken person. But now as i leave, its been some time since i took a step back and re-constraint my thoughts and words to myself. I figured out its the safest way maybe to not put myself in vulnerable situations.

From being the shadow, to being in the limelight. Likewise, now its back to being the observer. Having the chance to experience the reversal of roles and character has brought me much joy and exposure, seeing different people and different characters. However, i now prefer to just shun away from the crowd and observe. Its more interesting this manner.

Many times i’ve taken on different roles, different sides, different approach towards people. Its been fun portraying different sides of me. But as i leave university and enter back into the world, i stick back to the original quiet me. and im happy with that. (fullstop)

Intrusion

siaomeen feels intruded and stepped all over her head. Boo.

I dont treat you this way. Why on earth is your courtesy lacking? Sigh.

Grace

IF there was one word to describe graduating, it would be grace.

The grace that provided me with a place to study in UTAR, after getting rejected from matrix after spm, teachers training college and university of sydney (family couldnt afford 4 years of expenses in Australia).

The grace that provided me with just enough to get a scholarship for 4 whole years – 1 year foundation and 3 years degree

The grace that saw me through the first 2 months of solitude in college, walking for classes alone, eating alone, studying alone, just because i didnt have any friends and was having a huge culture shock

The grace that brought me out of depression when i was in college as the aftermath of him breaking his promise.

The grace that brought good Christian friends during college who took the extra initiative to ask me out for meals and for fellowship sessions despite the being the quiet person and full of reluctance to join in.

The grace that gave me the courage to open up slowly to a few closer girl friends i made in college.

The grace that sustained my results in college.

The grace that brought me through Shawn’s passing and helped me pick myself up again.

The grace of god that provided me a place to stay in Sg Long despite having to randomly ring on doorbells.

The grace of god that again brought me through exams by exams even though sometimes i was sick, tired, sleepless and panicking like there’s no tomorrow.

The grace of god that gave me the opportunity to explore leadership in various areas. i didnt know that i could have been so influential and impactful, hopefully in a good manner.

The grace of god that provided a way out of all the confrontations happening in the previous place with ex housemates. the level of violence and discrepancy was high but i know we were protected somehow, even with threats of using the hammer to break open the house padlocks, a few police reports made and having so many wires inside a few power points cut off.

The grace of god that taught me how to be still, have a seat, relax and learn once more of the meaning of love. which i still am learning till today. what i thought i knew, what i thought i was practicing, had reach a plateau and was slowly going downhill. it was time to recharge, realign, relearn. and i was given the chance by god and by people around me. a sincere thank you.

The grace of god that placed me in a wonderful family which i know is the best place i can ever be. the closeness, the warmth, the sharing sessions, the daily phone calls. all of these has been a daily encourage to me knowing that they care. and they are praying for me. and they love me.

 

The grace of god that brought dihhaw to me. This same grace that answered my prayers of a life partner ever since secondary school. All criterias, all dreams were met. The accumulated prayers of criterias i wanted was all met perfectly. What more can i ask?

There has just been so much of grace in my life and i thank god for each of them, even for those that have slipped past my memories but i know the hand of god was evident. and i have the assurance that the grace of god will carry me through life because god loves me. =)

Smile or say thank you at least?

I dont mind doing people a favor. But at times when the favor is treated like something-i-should-do-whether-i-like-it-or-not-just-because-you-dont-care makes me sick.

For courtesy sake, at least offer to help? I’m not a maid. (or i should put it as we are not maids). If you do have personal reasons for not helping, fine at least an acknowledgment will do? a simple smile and thank you. What is so tough about that? sigh. pretending that we’re invisible and walking away twice in minutes is not a good idea of showing appreciation.

sigh. What will become of her when i leave? I dont like people stepping on others heads. and i dont like people who can spare time for all other unnecessary matters and yet when it comes to responsibility, pretend like it doesnt exist even after constant patient reminders. Nope, that’s not a good attitude.

sigh. shakes my head. i give up.

Inspiration come to me

Graduating with a Bachelor of Marketing degree after 3 years of slaving of it brought me to a realization that.

I don't know how to apply them in real life.

I’m serious when i say this. The ability to portray the skills as written in theory is the actual test of graduating. Its frustrating to know that I feel so hopeless when i cant seem to recall theories or put them into practice.

Selling pasta so far has been fun. But to earn a decent margin, something better has to take place. be it better methods (more legal ones at least), or better ways to reduce cost (but i dont want to reduce the quality). oh dear. it is a struggle. (notes to self : what? so fast? its only day 3.)

Today’s attempt was spent standing at the stall we opened under the lamp post, looking at the crowd automatically walk to the chee cheong fun lady opposite. somehow their eyes and legs were affixed to only that one destination. Even the burger seller was looking at the crowd queuing up for chee cheong fun.

Dealing with students is not easy. I cant say i understand UTAR students even after studying here for 3 years. The mindset is just so hard to comprehend. its unpredictable. But like what alicia said, we have to create the need for good pasta in order to sell well.

Maybe its just the dejected mode that kicks in once in a while. Or it could just be the plateau in brainstorming that cause that momentary dejection. Anyway, Im not giving up. Venture all the way! Press on and improve! =)

 

long hair = trend?

Rowen dropped by sg long for a meet up. his hair panjang d la. looks different. he was debating with me when i said i like him with short spiky  hair best, smart and proper ma. he insisted saying his iranian friends say he looks good with his hair. and shouldnt cut it.

after a long pestering session, he finally gave in to me taking his photo with him holding his hair up.

“faster la faster la. i dont camwhore one la. faster.”

haha. thank you for holding up your hair for that few seconds and for the effort of coming so far just to catch up with a long time buddy =)

* and i still feel sad and feel like crying. boo. i didnt expect it to be the end. not so soon anyway. =<

her

can i feel for her? I remember crying in the movie “he’s just not that into you” when the husband slept with another woman, and he wasn't quite into his wife from the start. but that’s not how it is with you right? i hope its not. i really do not. but i cant help feeling for her. i know what she is going through, i went through it before. and its not fun. not at all.

until today, the wound still stings. i cant imagine how much more for her. who’s been through so many similar encounters. i dont want her to go through this again. can you hear me?

but i guess its all too late now huh. the last meal. the last few photos. the last kiss which sealed the whole relationship into an envelope never to be opened again.

im sorry for you having to go through this. stay strong. hugs.

Pasta sale!

Yup. we’re taking orders for pasta tonight and tomorrow again! do let us know if you’re interested. drop a message here or at siaomeen@gmail.com or at facebook at http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=663757773&ref=name.

 

toodles!

Make full use of the camera

Ever since getting a phone with a camera, the slow reaction side of my brain didnt quite connect the ability to take photos with my phone. till recently, really recent. that’s when the photos started appearing on this blog.

pictures do tell much more than words. and i’ll try to make full use of the bluetooth adapter i bought to transfer photos from my phone to my pc.

so in the meantime, here’s one for you.

I once attempted to have short hair. this was the first try. prior to that, my hair was almost waist length. didnt have enough guts to try the one that i wanted – boyish crop. sometime after this picture, i took another try at having short hair and had a bob cut instead. 

im still itching at the idea of cropping my hair really short. but the concern is. hesitation. oh dear. im starting to like my hair that is growing longer and longer again.

Final paper of my life maybe?

the last paper maybe for my life is going to happen in another 25 hours of so. there are so many memories, emotions and thoughts to pen down but so little time with limited vocabulary to express.

Im so prone to blisters la. this is a picture of one i had recently right on my second toe. the cause of wearing flip flops around the whole day. the wound stings. thank god there’s no wound scar to it =) im back with my brown flip flops now. all is well. the past and the hurt is forgiven. and the intimacy between my feet and the flip flop is back to its original state =)

Pasta Order

taking orders for pasta for the night =)

anyone from sg long interested? (delivery to scot pine, cypress and flora green's guardhouse)

the rest, you can come and collect from scot pine's guard house.

medium - RM 3.50, small - RM 2.50

spaghetti sales attempt #1 (part 3)

 

We met kenneth during the chaos nearby station 2. he biked all the way with the intention to support us. poor guy. came all the way but saw no stall. haha. we walked around sg long to check out the condition of other mamaks and roadside stalls. none were open. even the lorry style hawkers were closed.

we ended up having a good ice blended mango shared among the 4 of us.

The mango ice blended. the stall uncle was so sweet to make one for us even though it was only one for 4 people and it was way past his working hours. by then it was almost midnight, he was suppose to close by 10.

The adventure troup of the night. =)

walking back home feeling satisfied with the cold iced mango, we passed by a dark station 2. the workers were so demotivated by the actions taken by the council. afterall, they had the permit, they had the passport and they abided by the rules. there was no absolute reason for them to be disturbed but yet the drama happened. malaysia boleh anyone?

Half made roti at station 2 before the raid. its of no use now.

fret not all you food lovers. pasta and station 2 will be up and opening again today!! *keeping fingers crossed.

tentative time for pasta is from 6.30 onwards. see you there!

spaghetti sales attempt #1 (part 2)

Sherine noticed the dvd seller keeping his stuff at super uber speed. and we panicked. that’s not a good sign huh. haha. i threw what i could into the plastic bag i had. sherine funny la. she panicked till dont know how to keep. she had alicia’s backpack with her but didnt think of putting things in. haha. we were just throwing what we could and trying to carry all of them with the 4 hands that we had.

run la. run. the dvd seller ran. we ran too. but the pot was hot and there was the table. in the end we opened the table, put everything above it and carry the table back. haha.

oh dear.

we reached home at 9. all laughing and sweating, almost feeling exhausted from the drama. the common decision we had was to pause and go out again at 1130 just like announced earlier. reasoning being. its a little too late for the municipal to sweep our stall and its supper time for the peeps.

we took our break. still had on and off giggles of the near getting caught experience we had. writing about it now still give me the adrenaline pump.

just at 11.20 when we were about to step out from the door. a sudden impulse pushed me to check my facebook for one last time in case there was an additional order that i missed. and i saw “oh no, station 2 kena sapu”. dang. that’s not good news for us.

we took a walk downstairs without all our pots and bags just to check out the situation. not good. not good. there was a crowd of bystanders all around station 2. students sitting on almost every table. later i found out it was a form of support because the officers were not allowed to confiscate tables and chairs with customers on it. the most outstanding sight was the number of vans with full load officers. around 5 to 6 of them. with one police car. one lorry for carting away their belongings i think. and one tow truck. tell me what is a tow truck doing there at this time of the night?

spaghetti sales attempt #1 (part 1)

so we did try to put up the stall selling pasta just opposite 7-eleven right outside cypress and scot pine condo.

the afternoon was full of exciting and fun havoc in the kitchen. sherine was peeling potatoes and warming up stuff. alicia was going in and out the kitchen after nicely mincing the whole tupperware full of chicken. while i was happily looking out for the remaining task to do.

later in the evening, both alicia and sherine went to get more supplies for the next batch of sauce. and they went downstairs with one huge backpack, one foldable table and one pot of sauce. comical sight to behold. the kitchen at home was not less of any chaos. this time round, yunnyuan and myself were busy prancing around the kitchen, chopping and boiling and washing up all at the same time.

alicia calls

no more pasta! get more down! fast! finishing already!

haha. that calls for a mad dash to the grocery shop to grab a few more packets of pasta. run back home. boil them on full blast fire. mind goes ‘faster la, faster cook. faster. faster.’

* we’ll be back there again tonight around 11.30. All you hungry folks looking for supper. come and drop by ya =)

tomato based pasta. Medium – RM 3.50, Small – RM 2.50

matters of the heart. once decided to swap with a person, is best kept secured with constant assurance.

Economic Recession Survival Plan (ERSP)

1. spend less
2. sell spaghetti

• this is for real. me and housemate alicia actually cooked up a whole pot of spaghetti with mince chicken. fresh tomatoes. mushroom topping. we even drew the price list already. all set to carry the stuff down. open a table under the road light just outside cypress, opposite station 1. then we noticed something amiss. "pi gu yang" just got summoned yesterday. maybe we should play safe.
  
• Anyway. we'll be at the morning market tomorrow morning. Spaghetti sauce is being stewed at the moment to get an even richer taste. Its all cooked with love ya. =)
  
• Price goes at Medium size - RM 3.50. small RM 2.50.
  

till then. wish me all the best in my ERSP.

rainbow

the sight after a slight heavy downpour.
a rainbow as a sign of covenant
also the name of our cg. (er. im not sure if its confirmed =P sounded too much like chai hong's name)

i need to push myself more to study. tomorrow's paper is in the morning.

and oh. water rationing starts from 5 pm today till 9 am tomorrow morning. i remember when i was younger, there was a major water cut. we didnt prepare enough water. my parents actually asked for a favor from the school's canteen to allow us kids to take a bucket of water so that we would have enough to shower. haha.

it suddenly hit me that. its my last 2 papers. tuesday and friday then im done. the long awaited moment. even the boyfriend is excited. more than excited. graduating was a long time ago only spoken of moment. everytime we talk about graduating, it seemed ages away. something that can only be imagined, dreamed about.

But now, im just days away from that moment. wow. the feeling is indescribable.

a jab
a pang
a stitch
a cut

i hear you
it worries me
i feel you
it concerns me

lose it
work it
tightened it
firm it

Ways to make single eyelid eyes bigger

  

Single eyelid girls always have more concern with how to draw their eyes. Rather known as ‘mata sepet’. Just like for myself, it took practice and hours of trial and error to know what looks best for my eyes.

Well, dont fret, if you dont like your eyes. there are a few methods to make them look outstanding.

1. Wear something on them so that people would notice the accessory more than the eyes.

2.  get them drawn so that. they look noticeably larger than the original size. 

sherine looking gorgeous with make up on. killer eyes la. =P i like i like. oh ya. she’s getting a new pair of specs too. the change of appearance as she graduates! watch out for her ya! she’s looking pretty =)

Oh dear. and i was suppose to be studying the morning way. but got so carried away with drawing her eyes. haha. time to buck up. buck up. back to books. attempts to anyway.

* its a feeling very girly day.

this is what exams does to people like me.
exploding pimples.
tiny eyes.
lethargic whole day long.
stress level increase.
words spoken decreased.

oh well. last exams d. push through siaomeen!

dragging my fingers to type out the remaining notes for tmr's paper. eh. its no longer tomorrow. its some time later today. brain is struggling to absorb. but mind says. push through siaomeen. push through. another 12 hours or so to go. plan is to just understand the concept. and go and. er. write what i understand. afterall. its an application paper. nothing is wrong. and at the same time, nothing much is. right? oh dear.


my comfort food is. finished. i need more comfort food. been spending so much on food till. i think i need to start to fasten my belt to survive this month. boo. the vigorous attempts to try swimming to loose weight has only worked as a counter balance to the fats i've gained. when will i ever get to see the lean tummy again?

anyway. its Strategic Marketing Planning and Control tomorrow. tough one. but im sure god will provide. just like how he always does =)

i still am craving for mint chocolate chip flavoured ice cream.

shifted to www.cravingsatisfaction.blogspot.com

piles of books.

im heading for my first paper.

what has become of the church and religion? do we set standards so high that we classify certain behaviors as undespicable? are we looking down on people who we perceive as unholy or weird? have we forgotten that we are also part of this world and we are also only humans?

each religion has its own teaching. this i agree. but what gives humans the right to think that one is superior over another? a hidden silent thought could be much more dangerous then an intention made known to public.

is there something wrong with being verbal with thoughts? no. its perfectly alright. however, not accepts what is said. not everyone accepts a portrayed behavior. that itself is alright also. as long as the thin fine thread is not stepped on triggering an unintended catfight or so.

a wound. a cut. a sore blister. everyone had them once before. attitudes and thoughts are also part and parcel of life. live with it. admonish if necessary. pray alongside.

chocobee

+

mintchoco

i'm craving for mint and chocolate chips flavoured ice cream.

Papers

My first paper for my final exam starts tomorrow.

Have yet to feel the 'oh no I'm graduating' feeling. Weird case. Everyone's feeling it already. At least those that asked me what are my thoughts about leaving uni.

I feel so cold heart-ed for taking it just as another phase of life. Sometimes i think i grow up and grow cold too fast.

Back to studying. I find comfort in food. Tons of food. That explains the grow in size ever since i left home. back home, the food intake volume is more or less fixed at meals. Not much of in betweens to munch on. But staying out, freedom comes when its related to food. My appetite grew. Dating a big guy further encouraged eating more food.

Hopefully the exercise plan to go swimming as and when i can helps to trim down the noticeable excessive rounds around my tummy. not a pretty sight. mommy and daddy thinks i need to er. look for firm so that i dont look pudgy for interviews.

Talking about interviews. Upcoming interviews are right before my last paper and right after my last paper. all the rush in going for interviews was fun. the preparation, the last minute freak out, sweating and getting all nervous in the toilet. haha. random-nye. oh well, pray that god will open doors where his will is, and close those that is not in his plan. keeping my fingers crossed. God knows best after all.

dang. i still feel cold heart-ed. what is wrong with me?

siaomeen learned that not everything in life is important.

siaomeen learned that letting go of certain things to be where i am for love is more important than striving through earning money but leaving behind my loved ones.

siaomeen learned that its time to improve herself.

siaomeen learned that hearts are not meant to be broken.

siaomeen learned to seek first the kingdom of god.

Graduation

As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together. as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever.

As skeptical as i am about the chorus of the song, i still do believe in life long friends. just like friends i made in school, college. uni.

But at the same time, i’m aware that most of the time, its a situational circumstances environment that creates that acquaintance correspondence.

 

Come what may, as i graduate, what i will miss the most is the friends that i treasure. thank you for being a blessing to me.

Gum

Feeling sticky.

Really sticky.

Come and look for me so that i can stick to you.

=)

oozing sweetness

Dar dar came for a surprise dinner =)

Wasnt expecting it at all since i already met him during the weekends. Sweet. I like how he looks tough and macho on the outside but is all caring in the inside.

Since he’s on a tight schedule, he always has to squeeze time out for us. Just like when he was coming, he told me. Dinner only ya. I have to leave for Port Dickson after that. We went for dinner. Talked. Laughed. After some persuasion that i need my daily dose of fruits, we went dating in Mydin. haha. walked every single aisle to prolong dating time. =P

The walk in Mydin went on to getting chinese herbs to help soften the sexy voice i have been having since sat morning. which went on to getting stationeries. He kept looking at his watch. oh dear. As we were walking back to my place, we stopped by the cake uncle’s stall.

Dar ordered 2 slices of cake. Asked me but i said i didnt want. As we said our goodbyes at my door. He passed me one slice of cake saying. I know you will be hungry. for you =)

Ooozing sweetness. Thank you dardar! Happy 813 days!

requisition is a choice.

and so i chose not to.

Long Distance

Never have i ever imagine being so excited just for that one person.

It’s been almost 1 year since we went long distance. It has not been easy. in the beginning, his workload was not that heavy. we had meet ups once in 2 weeks, sometimes even every week. But as time went by, the meet ups lessened. Sometimes to once a month.

His work requires him to travel quite a fair bit. when he does, the time we have on the phone is cut down to a few serious minutes. Not the usual manja dose needed.

The toughest part is when there is the urge to want to cry on a shoulder or when there’s a need to have a heart to heart talk, and the other party is not physically available to be there to communicate. Or times when no matter how much time and effort we want to put in, being there for each other at that particular point of time is difficult, almost impossible.

However, it has been a great one year. Afterall, God has his plans and purpose for every single one of us huh. =) we have grown to be stronger. and more trusting in god as well as in each other.

And the meet ups are so precious, full of anticipations. Its like weeks and weeks of waiting just for that one meet up. *getting all bubbly thinking about it*

Exams & Notes

Its not easy to find that continuous motivation to study.

Neat handwriting and colorful notes makes me happier when i look at them. The plan is. Get my butt to sit in KFC so that my hands and brains will work together and hopefully digest some words.

Now that im getting well, that’s the plan. See if it works.

I LOST MY ID. BOO.

AND I DONT REMEMBER WHERE I PLACED IT

HOW LA AM I SUPPOSE TO TAKE MY EXAM SLIP?

OH DEAR. OH DEAR. OH DEAR.

Deep breath

Been sick for a long time. Was having quite high fever. around 38 degress plus minus. Missed the last few classes of my life perhaps. missed the last cf meeting specially meant for seniors. Was drowsy on medication. I wanted to go. Slept at 1. Thought that i would be able to wake up before 5 to go for the last meet up. But alas, when i opened my eyes. it was already passed 6.

Worst, it crossed my mind to hand in the soft copy of research project to both my supervisors. Long story, my original supervisor is away in Australia studying. So we have a different set of supervisors. Back to handing in our work. Sigh. I was away at camp and fell sick right after. No one reminded me. Boo. Boo.

Still am struggling to put in the journals that we used. Oh dear. Everytime I dig out work for research project. Its like a “Oh man, not another huge round of headache”. Sigh. Press on siaomeen. Press on. Just do what you need to do.

Not easy. Not easy for sure. Im glad its the last round.

Parting

separation is just another part of life.


When Shawn left us. I remember him singing Amazing Love. Today as we had our last CG, the song amazing love was sang again. It's true that separation is painful but at the end of the day, the love of God doesnt require us to separate from Him. And that is the greatest blessing.


IM DOWN WITH FEVER. BOO. it was as high as 38.7 degrees this morning. Thank god its slowly coming down. Taking med and monitoring. Pray pray pray that it is not dengue. caught a mozzy biting me that had white and black legs. Boo.

To you. You still look the same as charming as ever. But i know that we both changed. From that group of buddies that we were to strangers today.

I remember climbing over the more than 6 feet metal door so that we could lie on the beach. 4 of us in total. The retaining wall leading to the beach was around 2 meters high? the only way to get there in the middle of the night was to climb over the locked metal door. And we did. Haha. The guys were helping the girls to climb over. Climbing back from the beach to the resort compound was another tough round.

There were fisherman boats parked in the sand. The street lights were reflected on the shiny coat of pain at the boat’s body. We walked along the boats. Laughing, Talking. Kicking the sand as we walked. And we left the both of you to have some time alone. He said that your mom would probably laugh about it and say ‘the girl’s too young for you.’

From such a buddy, to when you showed your anger in front of me, to the day in the carpark when you made your decision known to me, to the day i cried and we both ran separate ways.

Memories.

To you.

For the times you made the effort to greet us in the canteen with “hey everyone” following with a special “hey siaomeen”without fail everyday when school was on.

For the times you would just randomly walk up to me just to tell me where you were even though it didnt have anything to do with me.

For that once outside Shakeys in SS2 when we were talking and he asked you if you had feelings for me and you smiled with a nod. That made me pay more attention to the hellos you said.

For being teased badly by friends just because you said that you had a crush on one of us and you gave hints to say it wasnt the other 2 girls they asked you. It was me.

For remembering who i was and even spelling my chinese name. Thinking back. It was so puppily lovish.

To you. Happy birthday.

Balance

I’m learning the balance between disclosure and keeping information to myself.

There are times when i feel like shouting my lungs out to tell everyone about my thoughts, emotions, happenings. But the appropriateness with the timing matters.

On the other hand, there are times when I just shut off to my surroundings, staying quiet and composed. Squeeze something out of me, nothing comes out.

The balance of knowing when to speak and when to keep quiet is a lifelong process i presume.

Malaysian Dreamgirl

This week’s episode, the girls make a trip to Royal Selangor for a photo shoot called Bella to show a fun, exciting, vibrant and cheeky side.

 

Juanita goes first. She has an extra long body and limps! So gorgeous! Natasha looked like a gold fish dying with bloated eyes. Its not that her eyes are not pretty.

But it requires more work for huge eyes girls to shoot. Just like Allison from ANTM. But Allison pulls it off really well. She squints a little to not scare ppl away with her huge eyes.

I’m still rooting for Dawn, who has been my personal favorite. I just love her dimples la. SO CUTE!!! She talks with a smile too. She’s leading the pack currently as the crowd favorite! way to go girl!

 

Quote from Pinky : Of course easy la! Wow. this tiny girl is getting bigger in personality from week to week. Did that have something to do with her boyfriend telling her to ooze some personality out so that people remember her? But its all in a good side. Her picture turned out classy and elegant. Elaine even said that she’s a pro.

Shasha : I think the photoshoot was ok la. Because im very colorful, very smelly smelly face (I think she meant smiley smiley). =P Shasha was struggling with the shoot. I thought she was selling shoes at first instead of the pendent by Royal Selangor. She started strong in the competition. But somehow, she’s just fading away for me. Don’t quite remember her face, looks or even personality. Elaine commended on her effort in laughing and smiling with her eyes, as what Tyra would say.

Ming was in a red dress. She looks good in red. Just like an oriental beauty. With her Chinese looking sepet eyes. Her photo looks like she’s lost in the light and glass. But elaine said that it was intended. oh? I like the way she talks because she has braces. =) reminds me of how i used to sound.

Denezia to me is the outspoken girl. She doesnt look and sound like she’s 17. I love her personality. cakap je what she feels. haha.

At the end of the day, the girls named by Elaine who nailed the shots were Shasha, Juanita, Dawn, actually all of them.

What do you say? Check out these episodes at Malaysian Dreamgirl!