a slight expectation to see her after what he's gone through
the first thing he said : where are you?
she wonders if he was looking for her for comfort
she wonders if distance was not a barrier
will he say that he wanted a hug?

being far away

makes prayers seems so strong

because right now at this point

prayer seems to be the only connecting comforting message than i can send across

to have faith when things are shaky
to show love when a person needs comfort
to pray for a love one when nothing else can be done

knowing a person
to the extend of knowing what each face movement means
to the extend of hearing that person's voice and knowing the expression of the other person
to the extend of knowing what each gesture indicates

is scary yet so intimate

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

cut my hair

its now short

not shoulder length short

but boyish short

will put up pics when i take them .

11 When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. 12 When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. 13 Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

the best comfort is just by being there. not the words or the advices. but more of the company, the hugs and the tears

Isaiah 55:8-11 (New International Version)

8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

a reminder of what i knew. and where im heading to. another step in my life.

felt compelled to give more than what i can to God

"people choose not to give out what they have because they fear losing what they already have. but the wonders of our God is when we give what we can, the void is filled with so many more folds of what we gave back to God"

money is not what i have. but instead what i have is time and effort. i remember giving so much at one point of time. but i slacked. i lost the feel.

yesterday in church. i was telling god. that is what im going to do again. im going to give god what i have. because he deserves it.

i felt the closeness. the touch. the passion. the intimacy. and i miss those moments. praying that it will last.

no matter how strong you think you are
there will still be moments when you are weak
thats why you need to pray

what if's and plans

i dont feel like talking
so dont ask me

its just another quiet day

leaving behind carrying forward with a sense of numbness

ever had thoughts of whether one person's existance in another person's life is merely to conform the person into a better person and nothing more?
but often the other person might not know the reason of existance in the duration of the happenings

having you for myself these few days = BLISS

it doesnt matter
and probably will never matter anymore

there was him
with the fear of failing
willing to give up everything to not fail

there was her
with no fear of failing
willing to give up everything to have her last chance with him

there was them
unable to cope with the extras of life
and went into a hiatus

when one cannot live with an extra one
the extra one has to be cut off

i drown myself in my dreams
dreams of imaginary places that comes alive
places that seems so real yet it only exist in my dreams
yet the backdrop appears so many times that it seems existent

motivator = bumbum

no bumbum = no study

no study = waste time

the stress level is building up all around
no joke

Proverbs 3:1-12 (New International Version)

Proverbs 3

Further Benefits of Wisdom

1 My son, do not forget my teaching,
but keep my commands in your heart,

2 for they will prolong your life many years
and bring you prosperity.

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight. ^[a]

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

8 This will bring health to your body
and nourishment to your bones.

9 Honor the LORD with your wealth,
with the firstfruits of all your crops;

10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing,
and your vats will brim over with new wine.

11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,

12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father ^[b] the son he delights in.

am praying hard for my finals as it is only 2 weeks away. there are a lot to study.this semester has been more hectic than ever. somehow i realised that we have a choice of whether to want god to carry us through the lives we are living. or we want to choose our own ways and do it our own way. this semester. i chose to live on my own for a period of time. and as i look back. i see the vast differences. one question that reminds me of god's kindness and mercy is : if i have a god that is so big, so powerful, so loving to want to help me in my life, why do i still want to rely on my own strength?

today's passage came timely for me. i have been feeling a little down due to the lower than usual marks that i received for my coursework. however, probably im learning to think out of just exam based. life is not all about exams. its a life long process. for me, to fully understand a statement, i need heart knowledge. many times i know it in my head, and i can even quote it for others. but to fully feel the words and the meaning, it comes from the heart. thats what im learning on the whole concept of education. its not about scoring the grades. its about learning. its about willing to take failures and work at it.

what would really mean more is having wisdom that comes from god.

no more

Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version)

Do Not Worry

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[a]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

god is always good. i have been worrying a lot about dih since his accident. his body condition, any after effects, any internal injury. and i also have been worrying about my bro going away to study, about exams that are coming up so soon.

life has been getting better. improving. from the pit where i was. to the climbing up stage where i am today. god has been good. he has been the one picking me up. and i am learning once again from scratch to rely on his' goodness.

getting up has not been easy. there has been so many instances where i was so tempted to just give up everything to stay back in the dark hole once again. but i thank god for people who have been there encouraging me when i needed it most. and i thank god for his word that is alive.

where do i go from here? its another 6 weeks or so till exams ends and till dih leaves for his future. its not going to be easy adapting. im going to miss having him around to talk to, to laugh together, all the heart to heart talks, the comforting sessions, the devotions together, the prayers together. but like today's devo. im learning to trust god to know and to believe that he will take care of us and of all those i hold dear.

life is short

thank you =)

for holding my hand tightly when i failed you

happy 14th!

april fool's day

chieng dihhaw met with an accident today
knocked off his bike by a taxi that didnt see him turning in
the suspense of him saying "i have something to tell you, dont be afraid"
made my heart jump out
and it is still not back into place yet
he is ok
no major injury
only a bruise on his right elbow.
he said his helmet saved his head
thank god for his safety

i so want to go there and see him
but..