Break-ed

Back from a long break, a long vacation. Learnt that life is not easy, but God is here to lead me. 

I'll worship at your throne

Whisper my own love song

With all my heart I'll sing

To You my dad and king

With all my heart, profound yet simple. Things will not change overnight. But as i learn, i need to have faith that God is in control and God will lead me.

identity crisis

Rebuke me for being negative, someone.

Its like a black hole sucking me in, telling me that im not good enough. Im not learning fast enough. Im not up to par. 

And its tough to pace myself up, to buck up and pick up experiences much faster? How does that work? 

I thought i needed a holiday, but it came and went, without much changes in my being. 

Trying out a longer holiday, but somehow i know my expectations have been set a little too high of what a holiday can do to me. 

Why didnt we feel tired and burnt out when we were studying and serving? I have the answer, but i dont know how to get back there. 

And so im lost. once again.

Senses

Thank you for knocking much sense into my tiny little feathered head. 

Hold on to what is real. 

Love never fails. Its true, believe in it and learn to love. 

Walls are meant to be broken down. 

Self protection but not self isolation

Im learning. 

Thank you for your words of wisdom. 

super sundae

Walking into the sanctuary, watching a clip on "God You are Good" with black people singing it, i felt like breaking down. You black friends have taught me what it means to really worship, to let loose and just dance like the world is dancing with me. And i dont want to lose this freedom, but i seem to be loosing it. Big time. 

I do wonder if leaving home to study, meeting people, encountering problems, maturing has all changed me to be a different person. But why is it this hard to open my mouth? Its as if, i have experienced all the good stuff, and i dont know how to share it. I dont know if i even want to share it. That's a selfish thinking huh. Those steep growing curves and experiences are too personal to be laughed at, and taken lightly. So i keep quiet. 

Where do i head from here? Growth? I do wonder, if its necessary to share which stage of growth at so that people around can "tailor" to my growth needs? Is there a need to do so? 

Super sundae left me, dazzled. Maybe im more confused on where i am. Or maybe im just zoning out because events doesnt give me the adrenaline pump anymore, its the substance that im interested in. 

I think im growing up a little too fast. 

memories

When physical items that reminds us of past memories goes into the missing sea, does it indicate that it will not stir up past memories anymore?

deserving

Is like about "actions and results"? If yes, then i wont be able to explain what i am having now. :) Thank god for all the blessings, and help me to stay on my feet putting my focus on you. :)

decisions

Life is about making conscience decisions. Be it spending more hours in the office, or clocking out sharp just to spend more time with family. Its about making a decision knowing that there is always an opportunity cost trade off. The final question would be, which carries more worth? 

Feels kind of jittery. Will be back! Wait for me!

business

Travelling alone makes me feel nervous, even if its not the first time im doing such. 

:( i'll be back on tuesday night. Pray that i'll survive. 

In the working world, events brings people together. Once the event ends, its back to normal work life, with the daily peers. Thanks for being great team mates and sharing the same anxiety & comfort food together. :)