i need someone that i will still cherish and have feelings for after such a long time of communication void

i told you before, if we didnt make it, i would get married fast. im tired of the dating game

i didnt think that i would walk down the aisle with you, lets call it off

i dont understand him. and im not doing anything to understand him. and i call it off.

i needed to find who i am

depressing codes and statements i've heard, recollected over these few days as i think about how come relationships fail. and its depressing how some statements, could be avoided from the very beginning if only. if only the proper mindset was set right from the beginning.

heartaches are the worst things to go through. a relationship is equivalent to nuturing emotions. to have emotions broken down and taken away. its painful.

how certain quotes by meant to be forgotten people stays on and never fades

unintentional lost

noticable grumpiness oozing out

the line between admonishing and integrity

between wanting to change a person and holding back thoughts

between knowing the overall situation, the disagreements, the tensions and still being neutral

habitually cocooned.

Reminiscing the times where talks were long and pleasant
Remembering the times we prayed till we cried just for you

I do miss those times

Now we're all left wondering
Will you ever return, will we ever regain this friend

Once in a while, my heart still grieves for the past and longs for reconciliation

resistance just to prove a point.

being rebellious because of a disliking

selfish for allowing only self to go against

looking out the window of life

clips of happenings

words sharp like the sword

yet i still sit here as an observer

unable to link thoughts with words

The world is so real. The link to money is so real. The temptations to money is so real.

Seeing how people make choices when related to money, seeing how many would forgo what they never see as precious. just for the sake of that little extra money. not that they need it. more to they want it.

i grieve for them. the ones left behind, would probably feel the hurt of training up and grooming them up, only to receive the reward of them leaving for a better financial alternative.

but as real as the world is, the bible seems to be even more real. as how it counters the whole issue of money and treasures on earth. it shows that god knows what he is writing about. so what if we do accumulate wealth and more wealth on this earth? is it worth it to leave behind people who truly care and who genuinely are concern about you just for the sake of money?

it is still a big issue. but at this point. i thank god for giving the peace and the assurance that he'll provide. just like how he has always been providing for my family.

the whole idea about finances and survival.

one is where. money is important. very important. its the mode of survival. when given a choice of amount. the bigger amount would appeal more. the main concern is on survival. supporting one's life, one's family.

not that there is anything wrong with putting money as something important and essential in life.

the other is where, not worrying about what to wear or eat tomorrow. but instead. have faith that god will provide. it takes actions more than words to take the first step into that level of faith, but the burden is there but somehow the worry is not.

it takes away a huge heaviness on the shoulders i would say. the problem is there, but the joy is there too.

16th September 2008 – 4.10 am

It breaks a person’s heart to see another grieve. The mourning, the sorrow, the silent sob, the wailing, sometimes even the self blame and self punishing, is enough to make another silent and immerse in the pain itself.

Perhaps god is saying, my child, it hurts me to hurt you as well. But this whole episode is much needed so that you will learn and come closer to me. I know its painful, but take it as a how a father disciplines his child. The child may not comprehend why the father did that if he loves the child enough. However, there is always a bigger connotation leading to every action done by our father in heaven.

I remember one incident where he had to go through the death of close ones to be able to understand what it means to grieve, and this went on to be his ministry, of encouragement.

Whatever it is for you, I pray that our Lord will keep you safe in his loving arms in these times of bereavement.

happy birthday to you. if you can hear me. do still miss you tons.

yet another emotional parting

the look on both their faces
the kiss that he blew to her after he got down the car
the way she looked at him as the car drove away
with him at the roadside and with her in the car
the tears the trickled down her cheeks with the moving of the car

he said : im sorry for leaving in a rush without having a proper good bye. is it ok with you?
her only reply was : i 'll get used to it in a matter of time

partings are heartbreaking.

not a fan of dili dally guys.

soak myself in tears for a day
look ahead and takes a deep breath

its not so bad after all. smiles.

only have myself to blame for the whole mess

to love is to let go.

to drown one's self in things of distraction

what will be left when changes happens?
what will be left when water solidifies and turns into a different form?
what will be left when all that matters seems lost?
what will be left when gentle whispers loses itself in the rushing wind?

for a person to change just because he/she was asked to, just to please the other party, i used to think its an impossible life changing transformation

for a person to change, stemming from a personal desire for self improvement, i used to think the change will last.

but now i am confused. what i thought could be. isnt turning it like what i expected. and what i thought was never possible, seem to be the all happening ongoing process.