knowing that other people can do what they are doing.
it does get me all. worked out.

its not that is wrong in anyway. no, its not wrong. its just that im not allowed to do so.
and i dont get the reasoning told to me. i suppose its for my own discovery. but what if i choose to walk away before i ever get the revelation.

you put me through this same situation for 10 years of my life. back then i didnt have the courage to say no or to back away like what my brothers are doing now. but im not so sure if i still have the same naiveness to follow orders like how i used to do.

rebelliousness is built and trained and taught in a subconscious manner. it is learned through circumstances. and many times the consequences is undesirable. i tried to bring it up to you. i raised my voice. it didnt work. i tried to talk through in a gentle manner. it didnt work. end up im the one feeling useless.

you asked me are you that scary? you want the relationship. you want the closeness but you are pushing the relationship away. you are the one building the wall. sometimes i see the soft side of you. but you intentionally dont want to show it. or thats how i picture and imagine it to be.