reflection time of what i have been through for the past almost 16 months. he's been a part of many inner thoughts and inner conflicts. a friend to cry with and a friend to just have fun with. a friend who challenged me to be transparent yet a friend who protected the weak side of me. a friend who finds me funny yet a friend who knows when to stay silent and just be there when i feel down. a friend to treasure and a friend to love.

The LORD Appears to Elijah

And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

10 He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

be still, be quiet. and let god speak.

its officially LONG DISTANCE
* of course there was all the laughter and tears as it approached

tomorrow is finally coming
the day of separation
the day much awaited for yet dreaded at the same time
the day that was talked about so much
the day that was highly feared
wish me all the best
(no, this time there is no spilled water on my pants)

today dih said to me : i need to learn how to say no more often
me : why? to who?
dih : to you la. you eat too much

boo him

from the near we to now the far away we

walk on towards the same direction with god leading the way

supporter

thank you

leaving and imagining add in hoping
is never easy

deja vu

knowing someone you love is on the verge of.. being very sick

i dont know how to face that
time and again i face the same situation and i ask myself
what am i going to do?

until today. i still dont have the answer

all i am doing is keep praying and keep praying

i dont know how to face life
i dont know what i should do
i dont know what i can do

i just officially finished my second year of university
starting my final year in may

was just reflecting on how my life had changed from secondary school till now. if i were to sum it up, it would be the grace of god.

i've seen myself passing through exams by exams, acing many of them. but as i look back, i know that it was the hand of god that was blessing me with so much more than i deserved. people asked, how do i study? besides doing and understanding what i learn constantly, i believe its the prayers and god that has brought me this far

spiritually, god has taught me how to rely on him. how his knowledge is infinite. and to see how small i am compared to him, the great god that we have. i have been humbled by god time and again, struggled through trying to understand things from my window. i am learning to trust god in all i do, not only in terms of what i go through in life as a student, but also in all the daily struggles, in what i think and what i observe

as semester by semester passes, i know that we are suppose to be more equipped in what we are learning, in my case, it marketing. up till today, i don't quite see myself doing what is expected of me when i graduate. the future is still so vague. going for interviews, getting a job. to me, its what is needed, but is that what i choose to do? maybe i have a faint idea but i fear speaking it out.

dih is leaving for sitiawan end of may as he's almost graduated. things are getting more emotional. trying to spend as much time together before he leaves.

exams are done with for now. its the holidays!! but im working. doesnt make much of a difference.

time to catch up with my sleep and also my food craving habits =)

i feel sulky
i feel pout y
i feel like leaving all aside

today i learned that when its time to part, its time to part

even belongings that makes me reminisce will be taken away

part of parting huh?

=)

the fever bug is a big fan of yours huh?

when you reach a t-junction, what do you do? where do you go?
there is only a left turn and a right turning, stopping or going straight on are not options.

psalm 1 gives an indication or a clear sign of what we should do when facing with such dilemmas.


1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

blessed here indicates joy, happiness with relation to what man can do. in Hebrew, it is known as "sha". many associates blessed with happiness but it is not always the case. we can still be blessed when we are sad. it is the inner joy and ecstasy of elated happiness.

notice the progresses in verse one, it starts of with "walk-counsel-wicked", continues with "stand-way-mockers" and ends up with "sit-seat-mockers"

just like the story of lot and sodom, where god asked abram to leave his country in genesis 12. he brought lot along.

"5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram's herdsmen and the herdsmen of Lot. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.

8 So Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right; if you go to the right, I'll go to the left."

10 Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan was well watered, like the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, toward Zoar. (This was before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) 11 So Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company: 12 Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom. 13 Now the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the LORD."

Genesis 13

lot started of by choosing the nice plan of land where it was outside sodom. in case you're wondering what is wrong with sodom? thats where the word sodomy started.
but as the story progressed, we see that in genesis 19, Lot was sitting at the gateway of the city. from being outside of the city. now he was sitting at the gateway. was he putting himself into danger? was he seeping into his consequences because of a poor naiveness of greener pastures?

Genesis 19

Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed

1 The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2 "My lords," he said, "please turn aside to your servant's house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning."

the word here is "compromising". many times we follow the progress, but we are lost in the midst of compromising that we end up falling.

take the story of this boy, he was at a waterfall. beautiful place. and there was a huge boulder with water flowing on top of it. many took it as a slide down the water. so this boy, he tried the first time and he enjoyed it. now, to get on top of the boulder, there is another way that people take, where water dont flow through those parts and it is dry. but this boy, instead of going the normal way up, he decided to climb up the wet boulder instead. the result? he slipped and fell and hit his chin hard. he needed 5 stitches to sew the wound up.

talk about compromising. many time, we dont realise the process in it. it is until the time where we hit hard on the ground and get hurt badly that we realise, we shouldnt have done that. how foolish i was.

or even the story of samson and delilah, of how he was deceived time and again by delilah to give up his secret of his strength. imagine how foolish he was to get trick time and again by the same girl. it had to be delilah who was giving away his secrets for she was the one who asked. after repeated times of her asking with him lying to her and him getting caught in the night. he still chose to stay with her. the result of his compromising is his fall.

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

from verse 2 and 3, we see the word "delight" and "meditates day and night". it shows the fervency in wanting to know the law of the lord, which is the word of god. and the results? prosperity and fruits.

4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

here, the contrast between verse 2&3 and 4&5. chaffs are grain husts that are blown away and burned because there is simply no use for it.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

to end the decision making between the left or right at the t-junction, we look back at what the outcome will be depending upon each choice we make. the lord watches over the way of the righteous. what else can we ask for but to receive the blessing of god watching over us if we are righteous?

-kaog saturday service sermon-