What a big difference

to say to a person : i miss god

and to say to god : i miss that person


Isaiah 53:12
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, [g]
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, [h]
because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

god has been good. he always is. thought of the day was. the more we grow up to be in this world, the more we see the darkness of the world. and the higher the chances that we tend to follow what we observe. maybe not in terms of things we do, but our thinking, our mindset. our judgment of things. of what we see. how we feel towards many different people, how we value things, why we value certain things. how the media has influenced us so much.

as i look back, i see how my environment has trained me to be someone with a hard shell on the outside just to protect myself. somehow it seems so much to be a natural responds. compared to last time when i used to be so naive and so willing to take the blames and hurts. now, the mentality is push it away first, whatever that i see is undesirable, go away first. helping or going near is not the first thing that comes to my mind. i do pray yes. but last time, i would want to help first. then only think of myself second.

what has the world taught me? somehow i cant help thinking about am i still worthy enough to serve god. after all that i have changed. we all change according to time, no doubt. today i felt unworthy all of a sudden. feel as if, i dont have what it takes for people to look up to me.

until this passage came to me.. and it made me tear. it feels so special to be in the presence of god. sharing with him and telling him how i feel, what i think. and to have the assurance that Jesus died on the cross for all of us, all of our sins, and we are cleansed, called children of god. therefore, we are worthy of his love. not by actions but by grace.

and yes. it is much more precious to tell god that i miss a person rather than to tell a person that i miss god.