as the fire died down
so did my drive, strive and attitude.
somehow, nothing seem to matter anymore.
no people. no work. no class. no exam. could bring me out of that slumber.

it was like a vacuum from the black hole sucking me in
and i was enjoying the gloominess in that black hole.
who was the one pulling me away?
i knew it was the enemy
but yet. i grew to be fond of the darkness.

as days went by,
i became cold. very cold.
and numb. very numb.
no tears. no sorrow. no hurt. no feelings.

i started to do things base on my own abilities.
intentionally forgetting that all previous records were god given.
as i fought on.
when i do achieve something.
i smile with glee and give credit to myself.
still intentionally forgetting that there is a god.

was life bad that way?
at that point, it wasnt.
i didnt care much. didnt bother much. didnt want to know much.

attitude changed.
although it was well hidden,
people close to me could feel the change.
somehow, the sense of responsibility was no longer there.
the urge to go for prayer meetings and church was no longer there.
the passion for the things of god was not there
to make things worst,
the passion for responsibility and work as a student was not there.

i pushed away what i could.
what i couldnt, i pretend to not care and not do.