super sundae

Walking into the sanctuary, watching a clip on "God You are Good" with black people singing it, i felt like breaking down. You black friends have taught me what it means to really worship, to let loose and just dance like the world is dancing with me. And i dont want to lose this freedom, but i seem to be loosing it. Big time. 

I do wonder if leaving home to study, meeting people, encountering problems, maturing has all changed me to be a different person. But why is it this hard to open my mouth? Its as if, i have experienced all the good stuff, and i dont know how to share it. I dont know if i even want to share it. That's a selfish thinking huh. Those steep growing curves and experiences are too personal to be laughed at, and taken lightly. So i keep quiet. 

Where do i head from here? Growth? I do wonder, if its necessary to share which stage of growth at so that people around can "tailor" to my growth needs? Is there a need to do so? 

Super sundae left me, dazzled. Maybe im more confused on where i am. Or maybe im just zoning out because events doesnt give me the adrenaline pump anymore, its the substance that im interested in. 

I think im growing up a little too fast.