thinking of going home does give me the fear..
maybe fear is too strong a word
but a little afraid or sceptical about what is going to happen
first of all,
there is the house things to settle
really need to pray for wisdom to know what to do.
then there is the church
true, i have to share
more than happy to do so
but the responds?
towards what i have to share
and towards me?
suddenly the sense of not belonging creeps in
and also
all the hecticness of my schedule in december
will i still have that same not so close bond again?
will the bond ever grow back?
sometimes i really doubt so
because of my mindset that has changed so much
but im willing to give it another chance
and see whether is it really what i think it is
or is it just me
and there is you
with all the emotions that are growing
how much more can i control?
its getting harder to stay far away

but im happy to know that i will get to meet my darlings once again
its still the same
i know
the good, bad and ugly
but still
they are my darlings
and i love them a lot alot
haha
mixed feelings
with all the emotions
going high and low