tag!!

1. 4 jobs I would stink at ...

`firewoman [cant even lift the short putt metal ball in school.. what about the hose?]
`IT person [i know nuts about computer and its functions.. ]
`waitress [i have a oops-im-going-to-drop-the-food-phobia]
`artist [the artsy kind]


2. 4 pretend nicknames I'm making up for myself ...

`i remember nothing... maybe if you remember any, let me know...



3. 4 movies I could watch over & over again (without falling asleep) ...

`Titanic... [can still cry over it... emo-ness]
`Mr Bean - the ultimate disaster [dont ask me why im so fascinated by him]
`disney cartoons... [its nicer than movies... ]
`bruce almighty.. [found it funny though]


4. 4 places I want to live in ...

`my nice nice house in shah alam... =)
`TARC hostel [i really really miss that place]
`a nice cosy house with my future hubby...
`aiyah... cincai la.. [brain block]


5. 4 things I'd loooooove to do during weekends ...

`drink soup [there is no soup stall here in sg long]
`sleep [to cover for the whole week's lack of sleep]
`eat [home cook food is just so different... ah....]
`relax and chill [weekdays are crazily hectic...]


6. 4 things I couldn't live without ... other than the obvious :)

`my bible
`my diary
`my computer & streamyx
`CHOCOLATES


7. 4 alcoholic beverages I've enjoyed ... hehehaha!

`i dont drink... =>


8. 4 favourite food & whom I'd like to bon appétit with ...

`homecook sup with my darlings
`tbr tomyam with anna!!!!
`nasi goreng kampung from arabs with the cf-ians
`french fries with my 2 daughters...


9. 4 places I would rather be in now ...

`home
`hostel in setapak
`my bed with all my comfy pillows
`in Mc D's eating french fries and ice cream


10. 4 people I'm tagging ...

`sherine
`asher
`whoever who wants to be tagged... haha

thank god for the many blessings
thanks to all who has been praying so much for my mom and my family
the growth is not cancerous
praise the Lord!!!!
i really appreciate all that you all have done for me and my family
thanks loads

delete?
one small tiny button in one corner of the keyboard...

lost somewhere

im shocked
at how shallow some things can be

the human mind
is deceiving
is deceptive
is fickle

Some things do change
For the better
Some change when people least expect it
But if it is from God
Then I suppose it’s beautiful

Some people change along the months
Along the years
Change is inevitable
I would say
We can’t stay stagnant
Change is necessary
For us to move forward
To look at life
From a different perspective

But if change happens
Because of a person
That will not last
Because it’s only to please that one person
And after some time
That temporary change will disappear
Because change doesn’t come from the heart
Change for God
Or should I say God changes people
To be someone more like Him
But that is only if we allow Him to do that to us
If only we put aside all our selfish thoughts
That will hinder His work in us

No matter how much a person can change
For me
There will always be the starting point of change
The turning point
The deciding point
And now as I look back
I can smile
At how much I’ve changed
For the better
So many things l’ve learned
So many other blessings God has put in my life
Although I know that many other changes will continue to happen
But at the same time I know
After everything that happens
After all the tears and sorrows
All the breaking down
I can look back
And give God and myself one big huge smile
And say thank you God

1 what causes fights and quarrels among you?
dont they come from your desires that battles within?
2 you want something but dont get it
you kill and covet
but you cannot have what you want
you quarrel and fight
you do not have,
because you do not ask God
3 when you ask
you do not receive
because you ask with wrong motives
that you may spend what you get on our pleasures.

4 you adulterous people
dont you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God?
anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
or do you think scriptures says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?
that is why scriptures says:
"God oppose the proud
but gives grace to the humble"

7 submit yourselves then to God
resist the devil and he will flee from you
8 come near to God and he will come hear to you
wash your hands you sinners
and purify your hearts
you double-minded
9 grieve, mourn, and wail
change your laughter to mourning
and your joy to gloom
10 humble yourselves before the Lord
and He will lift you up


James 4:1-10

future?
partner?
importance of things?
priorities?

so near yet so far away
so many things to achieve in life
but at the same time
seems like its all not of value
so many dreams to dream
but does it really matter anymore?
maybe not

what is life?
what is the purpose of life?
why are we born in the first place?
why do we have to go through so many things?
dont really know how i am feeling
how am i suppose to be feeling
dead inside
no emotions?
maybe now i know
how come i was born
as the first kid in the family
to be the one in charge of the family
and to hold the family together
to take up that huge responsibility
to stay strong
im lost for words
totally tangled up

i want to be there for you
but i cant
thats the worst feeling ever
knowing i cant be there
to hug you
like how you hugged me when i needed you
stay strong
god will always be there to hug you
he will be there to absorb all your tears
he will be there
even when i cannot be there
i will remember you in my prayers

sometimes
we just have to pick ourselves up again
from the place where we have fallen so badly
with our eyes fixed on jesus
the healer and comforter
it is true
that we will never forget what happened
its not possible to forget
it will stay in our minds
once in a while
small things in life
reminds us of what we have gone through
no regrets of what we went through
just that nostalgic feeling
that stays in the heart
thanking God for everything we went through
for pulling us closer to Him

hope?
small glimpse of hope
but then
IT IS possible to see something good out of something bad
because GOD is good
by faith
we will walk through this together

counting down
18 days more

thank god for all the small blessings in life
thank god for all He has given to us
thank god for all the special people He has put in our lives
thank god for His peace
thank god for His love

first time since i came here
have i been studying so hard
havent been studying for so long
that i forgot how it feels to study?
haha
i dont have a choice
have to start cramming my small tiny brain
with all the big huge words found in my big huge thick textbookS
19 days more till finals
study

me + you + you + you + you + ..... = ??

me
one person
add in you and you
without you and you there will not be me
then after that came you and you
all together
became one
but me
is still one person
and you, you, you....
are
and will be
one different person
not me
what brings us together?
me and you and you and you and you?
and what will seperate us?
are we just all
individual me-s
brought together
to live life together
to learn how to tolerate each other
to learn how to love each other
maybe we are
but dont know why
i still love
you and you and you and you

answers...
to give or not to give...

wanting to know
and accepting the answer
is 2 different things
haha
does this line sound familiar?

im stuck here
some one help me?

wait la

when im ready
and when i think you are ready
i will let you know

if you are walking really close to GOd
you can hear His voice
is that true?
i believe it is
it has always been my prayer
i used to envy those pastors and speakers
when they say that they hear the voice of GOD
i really wonder what does that mean?
i hoped
to reach that same level of closeness with GOd
its interesting to really know the heart of GOD
to know His will
its true that sometimes He doesnt reveal His plans
but the plans He has are there to prosper us and not to harm us
its interesting how sometimes
God speaks right to the heart
in time least expected
in places least expected

enough?

been asking myself
what is enough?
like money
we earn money
after we graduate
firstly
to support ourselves
then find enough money to start a family
then start to earn enough to life comfortably
then and again
different people has different standards of living comfortably
so when is enough?
or probably
relationship wise
among family members for example
we all wish for the close strong bond among family members
but when is enough?
people do die
and then
what happens?
the bond of the family grows?
but minus out one member?
how close is close?
or probably
boy-girl relationships
when is enough?
it is never enough i will say
like how people say
i cant get enough of him or her
what is enough?
emotionally attached?
physically attracted?
then get together?
after that get married?
is that enough?

but then all of a sudden
as i was singing to myself
like how i always to
i suddenly remembered this part of the song that says
[lord, you're more than enough for me]
its from the song
[so blessed, i cant contain it
so much, i've got to give it away
your love has taught me to live now
you are more than enough for me]

it just really struck me
why am i so asking so many questions?
at the end of the day
even if i do not achieve what i want to achieve in life
i will still feel and know that my life is meaningful
because i've got Jesus
and He is really more than enough for me
amen!!!

repetitive

When something happens repetitively
Meaning when it happens more than once
Usually it means something
But what does it mean?
It can be really scary
Like how sometimes
I dream about the same thing more than once
Maybe it is in a slightly different context
But still it has the same meaning
The same situation
The same outcome
And the same answers
What is that suppose to mean then?
but then and again
It could just be my imagination
But what if that something that happens again
Is not part of my dream?
but rather its reality
Something that happens in real life
No more dreaming
Not day dreaming
But it really happens
And it is happening more than once?
should I pay attention to it?
maybe I should
Maybe I should

dependency

i realised im really dependent on so many things and people in life
my family
how am i going to live without them
my daddy and mommy that i call everyday
most of the time more than once a day
[manja]
all my darlings at home
my two naughty but lovely brothers
my friends
those that i hang out with for lunch everyday
without them i think i will be so lost
all my christian friends who prays along with me
all of them who shares stuff with me
all of them that i share stuff with
i am so dependent on them la
any problems at all
i will start typing away on my keyboard
or start talking away on the phone
or start pressing the keypad on my handphone
oh
im very dependent on my computer
and my streamyx
and my blog
also on my phone
most importantly
my BIBLE
how am i going to live alone there in cambodia?
hmmpp...
away from everyone
away from everything
but near to the people there
near to GOD...
=p

things i find beautiful in life

1. bare trees...
trees with only the branches and no leaves
interesting how even the sight of a dead tree can be so captivating
because it is God's creation





2. children singing their hearts out to GOD during worship
the innocence of kids...
ahh....




3. the sound of old folks singing their hearts out to GOd
doesnt matter how out of tune they sound
it still sounds really beautiful to me
what more to GOD?

4. the three words : i love you
doesnt matter who says it
as long as it comes from a sincere heart
and as long as that person means it
it is beautiful
like how God says to everyone : i love you
or even how our dad and moms say that to us
kids to parents
guy to girl
girl to guy
love comes from God
therefore its beautiful

5. marriage
one of the most beautiful thing in life too
how 2 people learn to live together
just because they love each other
and want to spend their lives together
old people who hold each other's hands when they are walking
thats really beautiful





6. chocolates
[smirks]
how can i forget this

7. boys maturing to men
dont get me wrong
im not talking about puberty
but more of
the time when guys reach that maturity stage
the stage where God is clearly seen in their lives
thats really beautiful too
how about girls?
girls mature faster than guys...
haha
girls are more stable beings too
stereotyping here...

amazing how god sometimes
clears off the dark clouds
one by one
all of a sudden
the heavy burden
is lighten
not the whole thing
but a little
yet
that little seems so large
[smiles]

have been spoiling jored..
touching his strings almost everyday..
dirosakkan [spoilt] to the maximum
the end result?
my poor fingers...haha
the weirdest thing about my fingers is that
the tips doesnt harden
no matter how much i play
it starts to harden a few days after i play
the skin starts to peel about 7 days after i play
and after that
my finger tips are soft and smooth again
so the next time i play
the whole cycle starts again....

many things in life cannot be controlled
no matter how much we as humans
want to take control of stuff in our lives
we will never succeed
like how we are not in control of
sickness
emotions
feelings
thoughts
well, to a certain extend we are
but not in total control over the whole thing
like how sometimes
we try and try to avoid
precaution is better than cure
but
it still happens
like feelings
and emotions
and sickness

风

在这世界里，有几种风。
就好像有时候，当一个陌生人走过的时后，
有可能会感觉到一阵阵风，
可是那不是热风，也不是冷风，
感觉上可能是一种熟悉的风吧
风？
有时候只是心理作用。
可是有时候确是真的
是直觉吗？
风的存在
是要告诉人们有一种感觉的存在吗？
就好像
你真么知道一个人在你身旁走过？
你真么知道一个人刚刚走进房间里？
是不是全都靠身边的风来传消息呢？

lazy me
pms-ing
haha
irritated a little
frustrated a little
emo a lot
eating little
sleeping a lot
studying a little
doing homework a little
thinking a lot
talking a lot
crying a lot
drinking water a little
dreaming a lot
absorbing a little
wishing a lot
imagining a lot
drowsy a little
yawning a lot
praying a lot
hoping a lot
trusting a lot
missing you a lot
love you a lot

new start?

must pick myself up
a new start
find a new motivation
to start studying
new perspective of life
new direction from GOd
new inspiration from you
i will hang on
and stay strong
strength comes from God
amen?
no worries about me ya
i will be fine

L-O-S-T

i feel so lost
its flooding here
with my tears
really do not know what to do
what i really feel like doing now
find someone to hug
and really cry my heart out
do not know what else to do
tears are dropping
it just flows
lost
no direction
help?

torn in between 2 passions
2 loves
2 desires
2 things really close to my heart
how am i suppose to know what to do
how am i suppose to know what God wants me to do
to really learn how to let go of something that i love
knowing that i only get to choose one
i love you
you do know that dont that you
i love the both of you from the deep bottomest of my heart
faith?
how much of faith am i suppose to portray?
how far am i suppose to step up for my GOD?
please pray for me
i really see what i am going through as a big huge spiritual warfare
knowing that i want to go to Cambodia
and the evil one is doing all kinds of things to stop me from going
really pray for God's protection upon my family
for his strength, guidance, protection in His name
to know His heart, to know HIs will for me in my life
to know the direction He has for me
to have the strength to carry on
to really learn and know how to trust HIm
although its really really hard
especially in times like this
pray...

W-O-R-T-H

dude : is it all worth it?

worth it?
worth?
oxford dictionary -
worth = deserving to be treated in a particular way

what does it mean to be worth a certain treatment?
how do we judge a person's worth?
what does it mean to be worthy of a certain attention from someone?

what is worth?
all the effort put in
all the hopes
and dreams
but if at the end
it all equals to nothing
is it still worth it then?

worth
like us
human being
are we worthy of what Jesus did for us?
i dont think so
i dont see any small good thing in us that deserves what He did
for Him to die on the cross
as a ransom for our sins
is it worth it?
i would say no
but yet
its all because of love
that its worth it
because
[God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son,
that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life ]
its all because of the grace of God
that we are what we are today
not condemn by our sins

i suppose if its because of LOVE
it is worth it

lending a helping hand

i find it so hard sometimes
knowing so many things
i would love to help people solve their conflicts
by putting all i have together
get the whole picture
then come to a conclusion
but its against their will
i mean..
people tell me stuff
knowing that i will keep my mouth sealed
and sometimes i so do see the need to intervene
but i cannot
not that i dont want to
how come ar?
so weird

2nd of august

its the second of august factor..
today is the 2nd of august
maybe that;s why i have been behaving weirdly the past 2 days
but then and again
it could be because of not enough sleep
or maybe i was too tired
crappy and cranky me....
why second of august?
erm...
maybe coz when i think back
i feel silly
thats why im acting silly
hmmp...
its just today la
no other reasons
its just another day
=)

19 ways to keep a girl???

saw this from friendster...
felt like i have to stand up for some girls..
not all girls are that shallow minded..

Topic : 19 ways to keep a girl

1. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO
ANYTHING.
[Or else she will look for someone else, you don't
want that...]

-i will not look for someone else if im in love with you, but then again, if im with a person, i would expect that person to respect my decision, provided its right.-

2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each
other.
[Or else someone else will hold her hands...]

-someone else will grab her hand? thats only if she allows someone else to take her hand... haha.. but if someone tries to grab my hand without my consensus.. i think that guy would be shot dead by me...-

3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
[Or else she will start pondering elsewhere and the
moment will be lost...]

-maybe she wasnt even paying attention to you.. duh.. be decent a bit.. dont go around wrapping your arms around her.. give her some space of her own please...-

4. Cuddle with her.
[Or else loose the chance of pinning her down the
ground later on and start this amazing make out
session]

-erm... can i say it sounds really wrong? not all girls are that horny, wishing their guy will pin them down to the ground whenever there is chance.. oh. p-please...-

5. Hug her from behind
[Or else you can hug her from the front, nah but
serious... do this so that she wouldn't feel lost]

-sweet depending on who the girl is... like i said.. if its me.. the poor guy would have his head shot off.. -

6. Write little notes.
[Or else her day begins meaningless]

-sweet but without notes.. i dont think my day would be meaningless... there's more to living because of one person and only living for that person.. get a life-

7. Compliment her Honestly.
[Or else she will see through your lying eyes...]

-i totally agree... dont lie for the sake of lying.. she can tell-

8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as
long as possible.
[Or else she might slip away from you more than
you know]

-erm... -

9. Be super sweet to her.
[Or else she might not return it to you as willingly]

-if you are together, everything you do for each other is sweet.. i think? no need to fake the sweetness la.. if you are sweet, you are....-

10. Call her at night to wish her sweetdreams.
[Or else she will wonder through the night thinking
if you miss her as much as she misses you]

-for me.. sleep is more important... haha.. oops-

11. Comfort her when she cries.
[Or else you don't get to stay with her through the
whole night... think about all the possibilities =p]

-comfort her and be there for her.. but dont start thinking about other stuff... she is not interested... you might just end up losing her...-

12.Wipe away her tears
[Or else her mascara will run down her cheeks =p]

-yup... this i agree....=) -

13. Love her with all your heart.
[Or else don't love her at all...]

-this i totally agree too-

14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and
say put me down but really she loves it).
[Or else just throw her down and tickle her to
death... as you place kisses all over her body =p]

-erm... leave this till marriage... erm... dont do it in public too....-

15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).
[Or else she will feel less of a lady and think your
not chivalrous]

-yup... gentlemans are really attractive.....-

16. DON'T let your friends talk trash about her, it'll
get back 2 her
[Or else she will be a victim of rumors and become
a target for gossipers]

-protect your girl ya-

17. Take her for a long walk at night!
[Or else you'd be missing out on one of the most
cherishable moments the two of you will ever
share]

-walks at night are romantic.. really romantic...awh.....-

18. When it's cold outside hold her close
[Or else prepare to get poked by her mountains =p]

19. Draw on or rub her back as she is tryin to rest
or sleep
[Or else loose the opportunity to take advantage of
her while she prepares to sleep *wink]

-seriously no comments for 18 and 19.. disappointed in the mentality of people nowadays... get a life people-

be still

one thing i've learned these few days
peace comes from god
and although i do admit that i have been through a lot these few days
physically, mentally, emotionally
but its not at all unbearable
be still
before the lord
and he will give you peace
it doesnt matter how much i've gone through
how much people put me through
but all that matters is the peace that passes all understanding
the peace that comes from above

my blog is where i write my emotions
i am quite an emo person
[smiles]
but after all the emo
i realise i need to fall back on something
on someone
or else i would go crazy
and im glad that
no matter how bad the situation may be
how stressful i feel
how bad i feel
how tied up i feel
my god is there for me
amen!


Be still, for the presence of the Lord

Be still, for the presence of the Lord, the holy One, is here;
come bow before him now with reverence and fear.
In Him no sin is found, we stand on holy ground.
Be still, for the presence of the Lord, the holy One, is here.

Be still, for the glory of the Lord is shining all around;
he burns with holy fire, with splendour he is crowned.
How awesome is the sight - our radiant King of light.
Be still, for the glory of the Lord is shining all around.

Be still, for the power of the Lord is moving in this place:
he comes to cleanse and heal, to minister his grace-
no work to hard for him, in faith receive from him.
Be still, for the power of the Lord is moving in this place.

-david j evans-